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โ‡ฑ 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides) (The Oatmeal Book 1) (Volume 1) - Kindle edition by The Oatmeal. Humor & Entertainment Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.


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5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides) (The Oatmeal Book 1) (Volume 1)


In Matthew Inman's 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides), samurai sword-wielding kittens and hamsters that love .50-caliber machine guns commingle with a cracked out Tyrannosaur that is extremely hard to potty train. Bacon is better than true love and you may awake in the middle of the night to find your nephew nibbling on your toes.

Inman creates these quirky scenes, which launched in July 2009 and already has more than 82 million page views. In fact, every 15 to 30 seconds, someone Googles one of theoatmeal.com's creations. Now, 60 of Inman's comic illustrations and life-bending guides are presented in full-color inside 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides). Consider such handy advice as:

* 4 Reasons to Carry a Shovel at All Times

* 6 Types of Crappy Hugs

* 8 Ways to Tell if Your Loved One Plans to Eat You

* 17 Things Worth Knowing About Your Cat

* 20 Things Worth Knowing About Beer


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How to Be Perfectly Unhappy
Why My Cat Is More Impressive Than Your Baby
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4.5 out of 5 stars 2,378
4.5 out of 5 stars 1,376
4.3 out of 5 stars 1,282
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"If Inman isn't a king of the Internet, he's certainly among its royalty. The Oatmeal is one of the most popular humor sites on the web." (Todd Leopold, CNN)

"In 2009, Inman put his hand to the page, and the world hasn't stopped laughing since." (Nick Carbone, Time)

"Dangerously funny." (TODAY.com)

"Matthew Inman is the Gary Larson of the Internet age." (Ken Wheaton, Advertising Age)

"Delightfully absurd musings on both everyday life and fantasy from an unusually creative mind." (Kirkus Reviews)

About the Author

TheOatmeal.com is an entertainment Web site full of comics, quizzes, and stories. The site gets more than 7 million unique visitors and 30 million page views a month; 250,000 blogs and Web sites have linked to it. TheOatmeal.com is written, drawn, and coded by Matthew Inman, a king of all trades when it comes to the Web. Matthew lives in Seattle, Washington, with his dogs, Rambo and Beatrix.


Product details

  • ASIN โ€ : โ€Ž B004RRKS7C
  • Publisher โ€ : โ€Ž Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC
  • Accessibility โ€ : โ€Ž Learn more
  • Publication date โ€ : โ€Ž March 11, 2011
  • Edition โ€ : โ€Ž Pap/Pstr
  • Language โ€ : โ€Ž English
  • File size โ€ : โ€Ž 35.8 MB
  • Screen Reader โ€ : โ€Ž Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting โ€ : โ€Ž Enabled
  • X-Ray โ€ : โ€Ž Not Enabled
  • Word Wise โ€ : โ€Ž Not Enabled
  • Print length โ€ : โ€Ž 158 pages
  • ISBN-13 โ€ : โ€Ž 978-1449406752
  • Page Flip โ€ : โ€Ž Enabled
  • Part of Series โ€ : โ€Ž The Oatmeal
  • Best Sellers Rank: #261,034 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
  • Customer Reviews:
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Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
1,568 global ratings
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Customers say

Customers find the book's humor engaging, with stories that make them laugh out loud, and appreciate its informative guides and fantastic artwork. Moreover, the book is well worth the money and features vibrant colors, with one customer noting it includes both color and black & white comics. However, readability and image quality receive mixed reviews - while some find it a quick read, others say it's not readable at all, and while the images are generally fine, some mention they lack resolution.
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206 customers mention humor, 188 positive, 18 negative
Customers find the book hilarious, with stories that make them laugh out loud and appreciate the Oatmeal's style and hint of sarcasm.
...It is just hilarious and you cannot stop reading it... love it... definitely a 5 star :)Read more
This book is very funny and I really enjoyed it as I do the online comics by the same author.Read more
...Informative, funny, and delightfully profane, this collection is a good primer to go through before heading over to the Oatmeal's website for more.Read more
...I would recommend this to anyone looking for a good laugh.Read more
178 customers mention content, 168 positive, 10 negative
Customers enjoy the content of the book, describing it as wonderful, fun, and filled with great comics.
This is a great book, super funny particularly if you are an information technology professional....Read more
Awesome Cartoons, Awesome BookRead more
not bad but not the best. troll comics are better but still agood book not a child book this book=good readRead more
Weird and fun. A good read for when you aren't sure you have 2 minutes or 20 to take a gander.Read more
45 customers mention informative, 43 positive, 2 negative
Customers find the book informative, providing helpful tips and cool facts, with one customer noting its immense explanatory powers.
...It was great, it was funny and insightful, but if I had spent any more money on it I would have felt ripped off.Read more
...Funny and educational!Read more
...witty, deadly cynical and sometimes utterly silly; and yet remains informative and useful. This book is definitely a keeper.Read more
...All joking aside though, it's a hilarious book with excellent tips and guides on how to live a better life.....Okay, not really BUT it is a...Read more
33 customers mention value for money, 29 positive, 4 negative
Customers find the book well worth the money.
...So even if you already read most of the pages online, it's worth it.Read more
...This book is well worth the money, and the included poster is great too (although I would have preferred the Semicolon poster).Read more
...I dutifully pre-ordered this volume and it was worth every penny. What's so great about this book? 1. It's by the Oatmeal....Read more
It's not as good as the second book, but definitely still worth buying if you like The Oatmeal....Read more
14 customers mention illustrations, 14 positive, 0 negative
Customers appreciate the illustrations in the book, praising the fantastic artwork, with one customer noting the honest and quirky style.
...The artwork is fantastic and it never gets old looking back at these comics for a laugh....Read more
...is displayed through his combination of hilarious insights and wonderful artwork....Read more
Fun, silly book - Love the pics - fun to pick up again and again to readRead more
Absolutely love every page of this book, hilarious comics with great artwork and a unique style. You won't regret your purchase.Read more
12 customers mention color, 11 positive, 1 negative
Customers appreciate the book's vibrant colors, with one mentioning that it includes both color and black & white comics.
So much fun to read and color as an adult. Just sit it down near a fun and you can file smile while talking to clients, friends or family!Read more
...The quality of the book is above average, very solid, very colorful pages....Read more
...Quality is great, colors are vibrant, and The Oatmeal is one of the funniest and smartest comics you could possibly find; Matt Inman is genius....Read more
Great quality & such for the price! Thick pages, colors are stunning & poster is actually easy to rip out (if you'd want to). Love it so much!...Read more
21 customers mention readability, 12 positive, 9 negative
Customers have mixed opinions about the book's readability, with some finding it a quick read while others report that it is not readable at all, particularly noting issues with the Kindle format.
Hilarious! Creative and disturbingly funny!! A great light and quick read! Not for the faint of heart! Good for those with a sick sense of humor!Read more
Do NOT buy this in Kindle format! 90% of the text is unreadable. Wasted money....Read more
...It is a very easy read, like a picture book for adults, with the hilarious approach of the Oatmeal comic website....Read more
...I tried reading this on my Kindle2 and smart phone. Both were not readable at all. The text in the comic bubbles is just too small....Read more
14 customers mention image quality, 6 positive, 8 negative
Customers have mixed opinions about the images in the book, with some finding them fine while others note that they lack resolution.
...It gets really hard and blurry to read, so my first advice is: either buy the paperback version of this book or make sure you have a very recent...Read more
It is a comic book. I thought the pictures were great and it is just the lighthearted book that I needed for my coffee table....Read more
...It was hard to see the details or read the small print in a few of the comics....Read more
...The printing is beautiful and vivid, on very high quality paper, and the addition of 27 comics not available on the site make this worth owning for...Read more

Amazon Customer
5 out of 5 stars
4 Fairly Decent Reasons to Buy This Book
1. The book itself is very nice. Because it was $7 I thought it was going to be cheap but it is definitely a nice book. The book is all the glossy kinda thick paper which is really nice. It just feels really good and has a nice weight to it. (Things I miss now that I have a Kindle) 2. All of the comics are absolutely ridiculously funny. And my favorite part is that even though some of these comics are kinda offensive they are not bad enough that it is embarrassing that I like it. 3. It's cheap- If you don't think that a book this amazing is easily worth $7 then I'm sure you have a hard time justifying food to yourself. 4. Best coffee table book ever! - This is now a permanent part of my coffee table; just this one book. In fact I may need to get another one because everyone is going to want to read this at the same time. And the pull out poster is perforated so it's easy to, I suppose, pull out.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Mark L. Botzong
    5 out of 5 stars
    I've Never Laughed Harder
    Reviewed in the United States on March 23, 2011
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    Since theoatmeal.com launched, I have been a huge fan. Matthew Inman, creator of the website, is a genius and superbly hilarious at the same time. I always look forward to new comics and quizzes on The Oatmeal, and laugh unnecessarily hard at all of them. Sometimes educational, sometimes a bit raunchy, but always side-splitting, the comics on the website are some of the best I've seen in my life.

    Then, to my absolute joy, "5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (And Other Useful Guides)" was released and I was ecstatic. An Oatmeal book with all the comics on the site, plus more? I'm in! The quality level of the book itself is very good, with a substantial amount of hilarity. The pages are glossy and thick, containing both color and black & white comics. It comes with a poster that you can hang up in your room and laugh every time you see it.

    Please, stop reading this and buy this book. There is nothing negative to say about it. Have I mentioned how funny it is? You'll laugh your butt off, and maybe learn a thing or two while clutching your gut.

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  • Gary Griffiths
    5 out of 5 stars
    For That Geek in Your Life
    Reviewed in the United States on March 7, 2011
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    If you've haven't been introduced to "The Oatmeal," this is a great place to get acquainted with this hilariously abominable offspring of "The Far Side" and Dilbert. Matt Inman's primitive drawings and cynical insight into the practical ("How to Use a Semicolon") and the absurd ("Why it Would Suck to Live Next to a Volcano") are almost as informative as they are funny; this kid is a creative genius that observes and skewers without boundary or apology (just consider the title).

    In addition to justifying that urge to punch a dolphin, Inman offers a wide range of valuable advice, including:

    "8 Reasons to Keep Canada as a Pet" (They're not picky eaters.)

    "Why it's Better to Pretend you Don't Know Anything About Computers"

    The Nine Types of Crappy Handshakes"

    "How to Suck at Facebook" (Like the "Horrible Photo Tagger")

    And a couple of my all time favorites, " How a Web Design goes Straight to Hell," and "Why I'd Rather be Punched in the Testicles than Call Customer Service."

    And much, much, more.

    Yeah, yeah, I know you can get all of this stuff for free on TheOatmeal.com, but come on - $8 bucks? And what, you're going to give a url as a gift? And think of the convenience of flipping through The Oatmeal in handy book form when you're on the can!

    Seriously, we can all benefit from Matt Inman's wisdom and twisted humor. Buy this book.

    One person found this helpful
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  • 4 out of 5 stars
    Hilarious even if you've never been to The Oatmeal site :)
    Reviewed in the United States on August 14, 2011
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    As a fan of The Oatmeal, I figured this would be an ideal book for some much-needed laughs; It turns out I was right on with the prediction.

    Of course, the main attraction as advertised on the front cover with the 5 VERY GOOD reasons you should punch a dolphin in the mouth. Be warned though, this is highly frowned upon by animal protection organizations and could land you possible jail time if you attempt to do this in places such as Seaworld. That being said, don't let that stop you... just explain to the authorities the clear-cut reasons laid out in this book and you should be free to go.

    I'd say I enjoyed a good 70% of the comics and illustrations in 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth and that alone makes it worth the purchase. Some of the best articles include Why It's Better to Pretend You Don't Know Anything About Computers ,How to Suck at Facebook (if you've ever spent anytime on Facebook, chances are you or someone else are guilty of at least one of these :p), Coffee With and Without, Types of Job Interviewees, Types of Airline Passengers, and much much more.

    Matthew Inman (creator of The Oatmeal) really hits a home run with this book. If you've been to his site it has some new comics and even the old ones will still make you laugh. If you've never been to The Oatmeal site, you're in for a real treat. Plus you get a full-sized poster of Why Printers Were Sent From Hell at the back of the book :). 4 and 1/2 stars.

    -Travis S

    One person found this helpful
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  • Aubade d'Ergine
    5 out of 5 stars
    A Mummy-frelling Pterodactyl in a throbbing sea of Chowderbeasts.
    Reviewed in the United States on March 4, 2011
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    There is no place for exaggeration and unctuous praise in any review but I fear any fan runs the risk of coming across this way.

    I dutifully pre-ordered this volume and it was worth every penny.

    What's so great about this book?

    1. It's by the Oatmeal. Yeah, I know- duh.

    2. It contains a decent chunk of the classic comics plus some new ones and a removable poster. Sure it would been a wonderful addition to have the articles but hey, then it would have cost much more than $7 and change. It's printed on high-quality paper and quite simply, a colourful addition to any collection. Not personally into such things but it might also be someone's answer to the ideal micro-coffee table book.

    3. Not a single wasted page, which is amazing. Every book, whether it's a textbook or nursery rhymes has b.s. pages that are blank. This did not. What can I say, I like efficiency and one less dead tree.

    Are any of the things I've enumerated reasons to help feed Inman for a day? Of course not.

    I won't pretend this book is life-changing, some overused adjective on par with AWESOME!!!, or that it's even necessary reading. A lot of this stuff is already online, so big whoop, right?

    Well... it cracks me up that this shot straight to the (very nearly) top amidst self-help, dieting, and pulp fiction. Therefore, I say make this baby shine.

    Help keep America semi-literate!

    5 people found this helpful
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  • 5 out of 5 stars
    4 Fairly Decent Reasons to Buy This Book
    Reviewed in the United States on March 5, 2011
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    1. The book itself is very nice. Because it was $7 I thought it was going to be cheap but it is definitely a nice book. The book is all the glossy kinda thick paper which is really nice. It just feels really good and has a nice weight to it. (Things I miss now that I have a Kindle)

    2. All of the comics are absolutely ridiculously funny. And my favorite part is that even though some of these comics are kinda offensive they are not bad enough that it is embarrassing that I like it.

    3. It's cheap- If you don't think that a book this amazing is easily worth $7 then I'm sure you have a hard time justifying food to yourself.

    4. Best coffee table book ever! - This is now a permanent part of my coffee table; just this one book. In fact I may need to get another one because everyone is going to want to read this at the same time.

    And the pull out poster is perforated so it's easy to, I suppose, pull out.

    5 out of 5 stars
    4 Fairly Decent Reasons to Buy This Book
    Reviewed in the United States on March 5, 2011

    1. The book itself is very nice. Because it was $7 I thought it was going to be cheap but it is definitely a nice book. The book is all the glossy kinda thick paper which is really nice. It just feels really good and has a nice weight to it. (Things I miss now that I have a Kindle)

    2. All of the comics are absolutely ridiculously funny. And my favorite part is that even though some of these comics are kinda offensive they are not bad enough that it is embarrassing that I like it.

    3. It's cheap- If you don't think that a book this amazing is easily worth $7 then I'm sure you have a hard time justifying food to yourself.

    4. Best coffee table book ever! - This is now a permanent part of my coffee table; just this one book. In fact I may need to get another one because everyone is going to want to read this at the same time.

    And the pull out poster is perforated so it's easy to, I suppose, pull out.

    5 people found this helpful
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  • Cooper Sharp
    5 out of 5 stars
    Good Source of Adult Humor
    Reviewed in the United States on March 26, 2021
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    Another hilarious work by The Oatmeal, this book is a compilation of a variety of random subjects that the author pokes fun at. Some are actually educational, such as some trivia about cats and the history of cheese, among others, while a few others are just plain awful, like the section about the ways how to use a human corpse for decoration and tools (a joke, of course) and the pterodactyl poem, but it's otherwise perfect for anybody looking for a dose of politically incorrect (and somewhat dark) adult humor. Definitely NOT FOR CHILDREN.

    The book itself is made of thick, high quality glossy-type pages with excellent color printing, with a nice, soft but sturdy cover. Included inside is a folded poster poking fun at printers.

    Cooper Sharp
    5 out of 5 stars
    Good Source of Adult Humor
    Reviewed in the United States on March 26, 2021

    Another hilarious work by The Oatmeal, this book is a compilation of a variety of random subjects that the author pokes fun at. Some are actually educational, such as some trivia about cats and the history of cheese, among others, while a few others are just plain awful, like the section about the ways how to use a human corpse for decoration and tools (a joke, of course) and the pterodactyl poem, but it's otherwise perfect for anybody looking for a dose of politically incorrect (and somewhat dark) adult humor. Definitely NOT FOR CHILDREN.

    The book itself is made of thick, high quality glossy-type pages with excellent color printing, with a nice, soft but sturdy cover. Included inside is a folded poster poking fun at printers.

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  • 5 out of 5 stars
    Excellence Re-defined
    Reviewed in the United States on April 1, 2011
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    Sure, this is not your average coffee table book, nor is it your average book at all. But it is gauranteed to get a laugh from anyone who reads it. I would suggest hiding it from Grandma, or even the Parents when they come over, but if you want hours of laughs with you and your friends, this book is a must. Throughout the book there is a comic for everyone. Did your Canadian friend get insulted by the "8 Reasons to Keep a Canadian as a Pet"? then show him "7 reasons to Keep your Tyrannosaur Off Crack Cocaine". The point is, there is something for everyone, and you wont be disappointed.

    But "why 5 stars?" you ask. Well, would you give a four star or less rating to Monet, Manet, Picaso, or DaVinci? NO! So this is why Matt Inman gets 5 from me. Will his art ever be featured in the Louvre? Will it ever tour through the Met, or any other fine art museums? Of course not, but that does not mean that this is excellence in a book.

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  • Matthew F.
    3 out of 5 stars
    Pretty funny, but somewhat hard to read on my Kindle HD 8.9
    Reviewed in the United States on December 15, 2012
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    I am a fan of the Oatmeal, so I thought that I would purchase his book as one of my first Kindle eBooks. It is pretty much as funny as I expected, however a few caveats:

    1) most of the comics appear to be available on his website, but I like to support artists whom I enjoy.

    2) it's rather short

    And 3) I read this on a Kindle HD 8.9, and because this book is mostly from web comics, there's little text. Most of the comics appear very small on the screen, and when you double-tap to enlarge them, it appears that the resolution stays the same. Therefore, it's oftentimes very hard to make out the words in the comics. Hopefully, this can be resolved in the future.

    3 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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  • Amazon Customer
    5 out of 5 stars
    Loved it
    Reviewed in Japan on August 4, 2017
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    Loved this book. Clever and funny.

    I even bought one for my Japanese boyfriend so he could practice his English in a more interesting way.

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  • Inkysmiles
    5 out of 5 stars
    Hilarious!!
    Reviewed in Canada on April 15, 2020
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    Love this book! It's a great mix of smart, funny, ridiculous, and "Yes! that's so true!" I've re-read it again and again, and it makes me laugh every time. I've purchased a few copies as gifts for friends and family and they've all loved it, too! A great escape into a good, light-hearted laugh!

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  • 5 out of 5 stars
    Awesome.
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 28, 2011
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    I've been a fan of The Oatmeal since I first came across the website over a year ago and as soon as I read Matthew Inman was creating a book of his comics I pre-ordered my copy the same day.

    The book contains a large selection of his hillarious comics and guides available on the internet and some exclusive book-only comics that are as good as the ones found online presented in a large, colourful well formatted book. It's just like having his website in your hands.

    The comics are clever, funny and take an alternative view at the realities and problems of modern life that makes you laugh out loud.

    From how to use a semicolon correctly, how to prepare your pets for war and to how to suck at Facebook there is something here for everyone. I'd buy copies as gifts for people but know I'd just end up keeping them all to myself.

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  • 5 out of 5 stars
    Muy divertido
    Reviewed in Spain on May 6, 2013
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    The Oatmeal no decepciona si te gusta su estilo รกcido, irรณnico y socarrรณn, acompaรฑado de unos dibujos muy bรกsicos. Ediciรณn muy cuidada que repite bastantes de sus viรฑetas en la web, pero que no viene mal si prefieres la comodidad del papel. En inglรฉs

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  • 5 out of 5 stars
    A se tordre de rire
    Reviewed in France on October 23, 2015
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    J'ai achetรฉ ce livre en soutien ร  son auteur, dont j'adore le blog. Et concrรจtement, je n'ai pas รฉtรฉ dรฉรงu : la mรชme cohรฉrence graphique, le mรชme humour, les mรชmes situations ancrรฉes dans la vie quotidienne... c'est vraiment un excellent livre que je recommande ร  tout le mode (du moins les anglophones)

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