Hi...I'm new here. I thought about this issue for a while, and some people have suggested I might have a problem with sex addiction, and I took a couple screening tests online (they all say I have it), but I dont know for sure if I do or not. What I DO know is:

5:45 PM 12/5/09 · Shortly after I first popped onto twitter I started looking for people I knew and then people I admired. Among the latter was Penny Flame who has been hands down one of my favorite porn stars for awhile...

...which is saying something considering I've really only seen her in a couple scenes and a few photo spreads. Been off and on about setting up a fan community here, to go with the ones I've got of pornstars, and maybe I will one of these days but that's not the main point.

The thing of it is that she's absolutely beautiful when she's fucking, which you can say about a lot of the women in that line of work but she kind of kicks it up a notch higher somehow. It's also a given that not everything in porn, though hopefully les so than in professional wrestling, is 100% real but I always got the sense that she was spot on totally in the moment when a scene was going on.

• Finding her on Twitter met with some mixed results:


• 1) @EarthPresident: her main account while still in the porn industry


• 2) @BecomingJennie: this is her current main account as she's no longer a pornstar


• 3) @PennyFlame: this may be a fan account or a sockpuppet but I keep following it regardless

About the time I got onto twitter she stopped actively being a pornstar...supposedly. May well be true but I'm a little sketchy on the matter for a couple reasons. Her porn website is still up, which I suppose makes a certain amount of sense insofar as residual income goes. I keep seeing reviews of new movies she's done coming out all the time, most recently as of about a couple weeks ago...

...and the claim is she quit the industry roundabout a year or so back.

Decided to look her up on wikipedia, for this one time it had more info on a pornstar than wikiporno did. It attributed her leaving the industry in part to being on Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew, which I'd never heard of and couldn't find any listings for...at the time. It's an active program now, was watching it when I started typing this up, but I still haven't seen a full episode. Going to catch the new one next Sunday.

Okay, calling it a 'claim' may be a bit harsh but it's just a thing with porn. Too many stars leave the industry and then wander back in. Hell, Ginger Lynn is in porn again! As Jenna Jameson says, caught her on Oprah a couple weeks back, you never ever stop being a porn star. Now, it's possible that all the movies I've been seeing reviewed that have Penny Flame in them were made prior to her quitting. Just as I saw her quitting being about her time on Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew which hadn't come out back then and is on now. I know stuff in all branches of the entertainment industry isn't actively being done at the time it's released necessarily.

Just always got the sense that porn, particularly the gonzo stuff, was up on the shelf within weeks of being shot.

During sex scenes she's the most wild and free creature I've ever seen, exactly what I look for in women to pleasure. When not actively having ze sex she just looks amazing. On Sex Rehab she's looks disturbingly like my friend 👁 Suzi
Suzi did a number of years back, which is still pretty damned good.

Penny Flame is largely the reason I'm watching this show, to wrap my head around this change and maybe answer a few other things I'm a little confused about. Then there's just the one other reason too.

I'm also a sex addict.

( kinda self·diagnosed and not in therapyCollapse )

12:39 AM 3/17/09 · I've long held that I'm addicted to sex. Seemed to have all the symptoms, my sex drive which was already high was on a seemingly neverending steady climb to even greater heights, and a number of other little things here and there. While I was still questioning it someone directed me to an online site for sex addicts and there was this little quiz dealio that you're supposed to take...

...and I scored really high.

Then again, I've always done well on tests.

Maybe "well" isn't the right word here.

On average I mastrubate (masturbate?) twice on any given day. If I try to interrupt that cycle it usually results into a sorta binge dealio up until the point I'm dehydrated; record is currently 9 times on a really hot afternoon. A big part o' why I'm so big into self·pleasure is because I don't normally orgasm during sex. I've been with 117 women and only 2 of them ever got me to orgasm.

Tend to discount 1 as she liberated me from my virginity. The other only managed to get me there after 9 hours of unrelenting sex.

We were just cool that way.

I got to a point where I wasn't having sex as much as I used to, disturbingly often with a multitude of months and once even a solid year without a willing woman to wrap around myself and us tearing into each other until we were left in a happy exhausted puddle of each other. It was a constant unending ache that getting myself off only eased the pain ever so slightly. I was starving for it, NEEDing it, going ½ outta my mind for it...

...and I ain't a bastion of sanity on the best o' days as it is.

So, sex addict. Easy to accept. Probably would've been easier to deal with if I hadn't gone the "best treatment for sex addiction is sex" route. Though admittedly that's improved greatly of late. Currently seeing 3 women, all of whom know about each other, and my NEED is purring like a kitten for the most part.

What's weird is my sex drive is doing something unusual. Where it was once constantly increasing...it's been decreasing of late. It's not like it hasn't fluctuated before, have a number of posts where I went off about something bizarre it was doing to me at one time or another, but this feels different.

Significantly different!

Ominously diff...I'm silly, sue me.

The only rational thing I can probably put to this is I'm 38 years old and, from what I've heard, sex drives tend to slump in men of my age range. This is kind of a relief as I'm not constantly aching for sex all the time now, though I'd be lying if I said the craving had gone away. There's also the annoying disadvantage that I'm not maintaining an erection as well as I used to. Normally I last up until the point I orgasm...which given I don't tend to orgasm during sex...

...well, you can do the math and see what I mean.

I used to laugh at those Cialis & Enzyte commercials.

Averaging only being able to maintain one for anywhere between 30 minutes to an hour now. Still better than the ballpark average but unfortunately the fact I'm not maintaining as long does not mean I'm getting off any easier.

A working theory as to why my libido is doing this about figures to all I've got. Might not even be right. Still, I can't help but wonder if I ever was actually addicted to sex or just reacting to my insane sex drive.

Just because I hit all the symptoms doesn't necessarily mean anything...right?

12:48 PM 1/24/09 · I've noticed lately, give or take the last couple weeks, that I'm getting myself off easier than I have before. It notmally takes me 45 minutes to an hour or more. Lately it's just been more like 10 to 15 minutes. I'm curious if possibly this might mean the rather scary amount of time it takes me to orgasm during sex would also be significantly lessened or not but I've been running into an issue there as well.

Don't seem to be maintaining an erection as much when sex with someone else is an option...

...kinda sorta maybe·ish.

I've noted before that a rather bizarre quirk of my sexual addiction is that I don't need sex to actually ease it off. Mastrubation takes the edge off a little bit but actually being with someone feeds it. It's the intimacy that seems to do it, I've lost all the pangs I have for sex just having slept with someone I care for.

I'm the kinda guy that when I say I "slept with someone" I'm not talking about sex. Just very plainspoken by nature. I mean "sex" I say sex...or fuck or boink or a bunch of other things but "sleep" is actual sleeping.

Moving right along...

My sex drive is as high as it ever was but the actual addiction seems to have gone on vacation. I would attribute this to the fact that one of the most regular recent women I've had in my bed has spent the night every Thursday for the past month and some change. Such lovely smooth skin, such a natural cuddler, such wonderful texture (inside joke) and she's just so giving of herself...I can't explain it but it seems to be doing the trick. We want to have sex but other than some oral and manual we really haven't.

Bit o' some technical difficulties involved there but that's not important to this post.

Haven't really explained the voraciousness of my sex drive before, it's a wonder I'm not crawling with all sorts of creepy crawlies inside but I'm not. When I was 22 years of age I'd only been with 3 women...

...by age 29 I'd been with +100 more.

Good times!

It's possible my needs being met, the no·sex·naked·time rubs a lot of sex addicts the wrong way as they say if that's what makes my sex addiction go away then I must not be a sex addict, is why could explain an interesting rash of erection issues...or it might be something else. My ability to maintain has been interrupted before when I've been in something of a funk. I'm not sad or depressed or anything but I have been feeling decidedly not right the alst few weeks. Not entirely sure why and whatever it is may blow over soon enough on its own but it is troubling.

Seems more than a little odd that I'm not feeling the pain my addiction usually brings me anymore and that's what is bothering me. Okay, sure...the not being able to maintain an erection thang is kinda bugging me too but I don't know what the average for holding on is. Normally I get one and if nothing is going down at the time it sticks around to watch TV with me for awhile...

...now it goes away in relatively short order.

Suppose it could just be me getting old.

I dunno...but there's one surefire test.

Of the 3 women I'm currently seeing, one of them is built like a pornstar. Well, not just built, used to be one. Regardless of what the truth of all this is, her effect on my system is like getting hit with a lightning bolt.

Just a matter of finding a loophole in her exceptionally busy schedule.

5:49 PM 1/25/09 · Was toying around with adstaining from any sexual activity for maybe about a week. I lasted all of about 2 hours, I've had myself some happies; 3 times. Although it would seem that having written this got whatever it may've been out of my system as I was back on my usual clock, so to speak.

Go figure.

11:38 PM 9/30/08 · The first sex addict community I joined, and often seem to be the only posting memeber in, was 👁 Image
climbingthewall back in early 2004...ish. Fairly early on I made a blurb about having a bunch of ways of dealing with my addiction pangs when it really got bad and I promised to drum up a list.

I love writing lists.

It's a thing.

( a brief history with some current contextCollapse )

• How I cope with my sex addiction:


• Well, there's always mastrubation...which I do a lot. Usually to help me goto sleep and then to help me wake up. It doesn't have to make sense.


• Really violent computer games! Don't know why it works but it does.


• Certain strong, but not rich, forms of chocolate. Particularly milk ones, it soothes the urge off for some reason or other. Doesn't last too long but every little bit helps.


• I should specify that I'm very literal. When I say "sleep" I mean literally that. I've found that sleeping with a friend or fuckbuddy, naked is a nice plus, also eases off the NEED quite well. I have no idea why this works, though I've a hunch, and it's usually only effective for a day or two.


• Lots and lots of television. Effective for a number of things that ail me...or so I like to tell myself.


• Eating. Not to excess but I enjoy food so much that I shut most everything else out because I so love the sensations of taste.


• I've mentioned before that little kids work too. Dunno why but when I'm around the tiny monsters my sex drive, and by extension sex addiction, shuts off completely. They tend to love me to death and I find them endlessly fascinating so it works out great. Downside is that as soon as they're gone the drive and addiction click right back on.


• Then there's typing. As anyone that reads either my sex journal or my main one can attest to, I post an insane amount of content. I also moderate a little over 100 communities which I also post to obsessively. If not for livejournal I'd be a real mess.

On the NBC evening news, at 11pm, they're doing a program on sex addiction.

By the by, rather than do this in a separate post, someone who will remain nameless messaged me over the weekend with a complaint of sorts. It was said that my "HA HA, I LOVE SEX AND CHOCOLATE MAKES ME HAPPY" attitude was offensive to be posted in communities for sex addiction. I'd like to address that for a moment.

I am sorry that my not being a sullen, depressed, deeply pained, agonized moody, individual is bothering others with my affliction. I would apologize for this if I didn't think it was a ridiculous accusation to make. It's not that I'm not hurting and it is most certainly not that I am coming across as happy as some ploy to cause hardship on others. My nature is to be fairly goofy and silly and hopelessly optimistic and that may be the one thing, along with a strict sexual code I strive not to violate, that has prevented me from fully collapsing and giving into my urges in ways I would most certainly regret after the fact.

Basically, if said person is reading this, know that my being happy is my way of coping and while I may not always be as joyful as I appear (years of helping friends and strangers with their problems rather than deal with my own may've helped develop a slight facade) I am at least a bit. There are times I get so beyond sunk into a bottomless pit of despair that I shut down completely...

...but I have a multitude of ways to distract myself from there that have never grown old. Generally I don't write something up when I'm like that and by the time I'm in a typing mood again I'll recall what I went through but I'm in better spirits.

Or, to put it another way, if you can't deal with my not being a sullen, depressed (you know the rest)...tough.

9:39 AM 8/21/08 · Under normal conditions my sex drive is high but I've got something of a handle on it, no pun intended. May be that usually I'm working so it's not like I can haul out at the office and engage in some personal happy. Still feel the burning NEED but I can hold off from giving into it. Similar to when I'm visiting family for any length of time...

...on some level I view it innappropriate and just don't engage.

I haven't had sex since May, though I have engaged in a heated liplock for a couple hours since then. I was also laid off since then too. The two are not working well with each other right now as my sex drive is skyrocketing. This isn't unusual for this time of year which is either due to an ancient biological clock most human ignore nowadays and I'm reacting to it being mating season...

...or something about really hot weather just makes me horny as all get out.

Course, that's not the whole thing. Pretty much anything makes me horny. I actually texted about a dozen people yesterday asking them for something to help me take my mind off of sex. That didn't go so well. Got suggestions for cold shouwers, which I countered with I find the cold quite painful and that my brain immediately starts thinking sex to warm my body up. Some suggested exercise but that doesn't work as I view sex as a very gratifying form of exercise as it works out the entire body, if you're doing it right, and gets all systems operating at peak performance.

This is something of a problem in itself. About a decade back I used to challenge people to come up with anything that had nothing to do with sex and my overly imaginative head would spin off any number of ways of showing how it actually did. There may be things that have nothing to do with sex but I could still make it seem like it does regardless.

It's a curse.

Anyway, normally I only get myself off twice a day; once at night to help me sleep and once in the morning to help me wake up. Ironically, that morning one works against me if I don't get out of bed right after cuz I'll pass out. Given my little problem being what it is, tends to take me 45 minute to an hour to get myself to orgasm but it's usually time well spent. Even if the orgasm is a tad substandard...it still gives me what I need for a few hours.

Yes, I have a monkey in my lap.

Bet no one ever thought to phrase it like that before.

As I said, that's the normal way things go. Recently though I've been averaging between 2 to 5 times a day. Usually not quite so much....but it happens. Largely the only thing preventing from having sex is the ones I'm involved with are very into their own lives at the moment, got to make de big bucks, so that they have little time for anything else, like sleep. That's a small comfort but I still miss them and I'm horny as all get out and my brain's exploding...

...so I relieve the pressure in any way that I can.

I'm sure you can guess the most popular one.

Oddly, I'm not getting much in the way of dehydrated but I'm hardly complaining.

Tend to go Vaseline for myself, only really go water based lube when I'm having sex. It's a small benefit my own way as that first one is good for the skin on my hand and I've yet to find a good water based one that actually benefits my skin. Which may be something of a moot point given there was a recent bit on the news stating that most skin moisturizers have been shown to be cancer causers...

...and that's about that.

...or, better to say, responses will be screened.

10:19 AM 8/2/08 · Heard on the burst of stuff I get with my morning news, alarm clock radio, that there's about 56,000 more cases of people infected with the HIV virus (since 2006) in the United States than was previously believed. This seemed as much a shock to the newscaster, who's repeated the announcement every 10 to 20 minutes, as it did to me. Even more of a shock, apparently, to the people that normally track these statistics who were blown away by this revelation.

So, I'm xposting this fairly heavily to get the widest range of responses to the following questions:

Do you use safe sex?
What is your preferred method of safe sex?
Do you always use safe sex or stop at some point with some people?
Do you also use safe sex for more than just intercourse?
Do you practice safe oral sex?

Individual mods of the communities I send this to, I hope this is okay.

10:17 AM 8/3/08 · My sex dreams tend to be a tad annoying because, normally, shortly after things get sexual I wake up. Tends to happen a little after insertion and I've no idea why.

My subconcious mind is a bastard!

So, last night was one of those rare exceptions where this didn't happen...and I'm not really sure that's a good thing. I was fucking 👁 God likes me
Raven, which is always a good thing, but I was working my way into her through her foot. Not suggesting that she is just that flexible or anything, I was literally entering her through her foot. Close to the heel, if not the heel itself. It was slow going, which isn't unusual for us per se as I'm quite thick, but even as I was doing it I was trying to work out what the Hell brought this on.

Analyze that, I dare ya!

While the inherent beauty of lucid dreaming is that I'm aware as of the Dreamscape as I am of the Waking World...that doesn't necessarily mean I understand what's going on as it's happening.

9:52 PM 7/24/08 · Back during my sexual development, less the body and more the mind, I did some poking around the swinger lifestyle. Didn't get so much as involved with it, at the time anyway, but I did peruse several magainzes and read a lot of the literature. Wrote some organizations and got packets of stuff in the mail...

...it was kinda nice.

This was back during my teens and early 20's. No matter what or who wrote me back I kept getting these two cards in every mail. One was white and one was blue and they made me grin from ear to ear.


Front: If you're in the mood for sex, keep this card & smile. If you're not in the mood tear this card up.
Back: The Plain Facts: Scientists have determined that the average time of intercourse is four minutes. The average number of strokes per minute is nine, making the average intercourse consist of 36 strokes. Since the average length is six inches, the average girl receives 216 inches, or 18 feet per intercourse. The average girl does it about 3 times a week, 50 weeks out of the year, and 150 times 18 makes 2700 feet, or just a little over one·½ mile. So girls if you're not getting your one·½ mile, why not let the man who gave this to you to read, help you catch up? Sexually yours *sign your name here*

Front: The person who hands you this is a swinger. Don't panic...keep cool. Lie flat on your back and do everything the nice swinger tells you to do.
Back: Would you believe 2,000,000 a day get laid on the average? That's 148,000 a minute. While the average reader reads this, about 1,000 are getting in, getting on, or getting off!

I kept a lotta crap in my wallet and while I'm not putting these into the new one...I don't think I'm ready to throw them away quite yet. Not that I'll ever use them but they still make me smile.

OK I am new to this kind of thing erm how can I begin I need advice you see I am addicted to ruff sex S&M I love my partner of 6 years to bite me and spank me  but he isn't really interested all that much, I've been having sexual dreams. I am in dire need of a master lol I'm actually a bit nervous writing this I don't know what to do. I am 25 so why all of a sudden am I getting these weird feeling now? LOL. I get bad tempered when he isn't ruff I mean I am 6 stone and he is 25 stone not fat really evens out coz hes 6'6. How can I explain what I want without sounding like a freak someone help!

The failing of my general method of seduction is that even I don't quite understand it so there's really no way I can sit down and describe it to someone else...

...however, the beauty of it is that it works!