widower [usage]

Collins Cobuild Usage 2004 reads

Unlike widow, when a woman has died you do not refer to her husband as 'her widower'.

Which seems supported by Ngram data

How should I express such notion instead then?

Well, that's odd. That's exactly what I'd call a man who has lost his wife.

Edit. Hang on, I think I know what they mean. We don't use the possessive. We would say 'Paul's widow' but we wouldn't say 'Anne's widower' and we would say 'his widow' but we wouldn't say 'her widower'.

You seem to have happened upon a shoddy usage guide. "Her widower" is precisely what he'd be.

I agree with london calling's Edit.

Say John and Mary are married.
If John died, people might well call Mary "John's widow".
If Mary died, people would not call John "Mary's widower".

I suspect the reasons are historical.

Loob said:

If Mary died, people would not call John "Mary's widower".

I suspect the reasons are historical.

What would people call him then in reference to his late wife?

rightnow said:

What would people call him then in reference to his late wife?

I can't readily think of a context in which I would need to call him anything in reference to his late wife. Certainly, "Mary's widower" doesn't work.

That's John. His wife, Mary, died a few years ago.

I think not using "widower" is probably some sort of sexist hangover, that we don't tend to refer to men by their wife's name, whereas referring to women by their husband's name used to be common. Well, it still is common, but we've toned it down a lot, and we no longer use Mrs with the husband's Christian name, for example.

The only alternative to Mary's widower that I can think of is "Mary's husband". I expect that this is what people do say. In modern English this is probably fine, because I am pretty sure that people also say "John's wife" after John has died. However, if you don't like "John's wife" and would say "John's widow" instead, then you really ought to say "Mary's widower" and ignore everyone who objects that it "sounds odd". If it does, it is their fault, not yours. "Mary's widower" is correct English.

I think even the use of widow has retreated a lot. I think a more egalitarian approach will move in that direction, not using either, rather than in using widower more. I think the widow generation is dying off.

When was the last time you talked about "the Widow Johnson"? 👁 Big Grin :D

kentix said:

I think even the use of widow has retreated a lot. I think a more egalitarian approach will move in that direction, not using either, rather than in using widower more. I think the widow generation is dying off.

When was the last time you talked about "the Widow Johnson"? 👁 Big Grin :D

The use of "widow" and "widower" has decreased considerably in recent years, and few people in my experience now use them outside the context of official forms and the like. I can't remember the last time I heard anyone use either in the course of an ordinary conversation.