Former cricketer and actor Yograj Singh recently opened up about the rigid rules he once imposed on his first wife, Shabnam, while describing how he wanted to turn their son, Yuvraj Singh, into “the greatest cricketer that the world had ever seen.” Speaking to SMTV, Yograj admitted that his approach and behaviour ultimately distanced him from his family.

“I went to a school run by foreigners, and the discipline they and my father ingrained in me, I passed on to others. It started with my wife. She wasn’t allowed to leave the house without my permission. Her family wasn’t allowed to enter my house, and if they did, they were not allowed to give me advice. When we had a son, I told my mother that I have a fire inside me to make him into a legend. I vowed to take revenge on everybody who had wronged me, including Kapil Dev, through my son,” he said.

He further shared, “It was my way or the highway. If I say it’s night, it’s night; if I say it’s day, it’s day. My family couldn’t digest this; they thought this was my weakness, but I believe this is what gave me an edge.” Yograj revealed that his strictness, emotional detachment, and fixation on discipline created deep rifts at home. “Yes, I become emotional when I bow before my God… I felt tears in my eyes when my mother died; I became an orphan that day. I became emotional when Yuvi and his mother left, but I stopped myself,” he said, adding that he has trained himself to be “hard as steel.”

Psychologist Anjali Gursahaney tells indianexpress.com, “People who impose strict control over their family often operate from deep-rooted insecurity, fear of loss, or unresolved trauma. On the surface, their behaviour may appear as ‘discipline’ or ‘leadership,’ but psychologically, it often stems from a need to feel powerful or safe in a world that once made them feel powerless. They internalise the belief that control equals respect, and that emotional vulnerability equals weakness.”

This mindset can also develop through cultural and generational conditioning. In patriarchal or authoritarian societies, Gursahaney mentions, men are often taught that their authority should never be questioned and that emotional openness diminishes masculinity. Over time, this belief system becomes their moral compass; they genuinely believe that imposing strict rules is their “duty” as a husband or father. 

Gursahaney explains that growing up or living in a high-control environment “profoundly affects both the controller and the controlled.” For the parent, she says that the need to dominate becomes a psychological cage—they lose access to genuine intimacy, empathy, and mutual respect. Over time, this can lead to emotional isolation, anger issues, and even guilt masked as pride.

For the child, the effects can be lifelong. They may struggle with anxiety, people-pleasing, self-doubt, or rebellion later in life. “Even after years of separation or professional success, the emotional imprint lingers. Many adult children of authoritarian parents unconsciously replicate similar dynamics in their own relationships, either by becoming overly controlling themselves or by repeatedly attracting controlling partners,” notes Gursahaney. 

Individuals who notice traits like rigidity, dominance, or emotional detachment need to examine the beliefs underneath them. “Therapy provides a safe space to explore these questions without shame. Approaches such as trauma-informed therapy, inner child work, or cognitive-behavioural therapy help individuals identify the origins of their patterns and build emotional flexibility,” states the expert. 

Practically, unlearning control involves developing new relational skills: active listening, emotional validation, setting boundaries without coercion, and allowing others autonomy—even when it feels uncomfortable. Mindfulness practices can help tolerate uncertainty and reduce the urge to micromanage.