welcome to my mind

Coffee and cigarettes when combines with am upset stomach....capital BAD idea :( oops

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Today is a momentous day. Today I quit making excuses and chose to no longer let anything or anyone hold me back from my goals and desires. Today. Day 1. A new me shall emerge

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Ever have someone "want to talk" about how things have been going, and they act all concerned, but then there never seems to be time to talk?
I hate that. Especially when the talks are normAlly needed and important. It kinda just beings youdown even more

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i hate this holiday...
i hate it i hate it i hate it

all it is is an easy way to make people force fistfuls of food down their throat... gross.
i cant stand the weight inside my stomach right now, makes me wanna puke.

i find it so strange and hard to comprehend how someone you never knew before could open their hearts and minds to you when the closest friends and family dont seem to give a damn.  i luckly have a few i can add to that category.  most of all my college counselor.  it makes me want to cry seeing the sheer kindness... but then makes me want to cry harder when i realize she gives more of a damn for me than my own mother... sad

i feel so alone...

now, im sure some people may get upset over this, but its how i feel.

god is a sick sadistic person.  how else can you explain all he puts some of us through??? "he's testing you"
for what?!?! and im pretty sure ive had a hundred tests, why do i need anymore? why am i so "special" to him rather than the people all around me?

god, let me have one happy thing in my life without you taking it away or ruining it.... please