[18 March 2007 - Wow, I really need to update this thing.]

Not friends-locked since I really can't be bothered to give a shit anymore. If you don't like what I write, then that's your problem.

If you are American and think I'm not holding up the standard of the standard American, go fuck yourself; I've done more Americanism than the average American. If you aren't American, please don't hold my Americanisms against me; I'm trying my best to overcome!

If you're reading this because the bad man made fun of you and you want to see who to send the hate mail to, you are not special. Sorry. I make fun of everybody, either because I like you or because I don't know you. You should start worrying when I stop making fun of you, because it's then that I have started devising my plan for your destruction. Or maybe I'm just taking a nap. So watch out!

Right now I'm doing stupid Army stuff in stupid Iraq. (UPDATE: Not in Iraq any more!) And yes, before you ask, I am also stupid. Go ahead, point and laugh. I'm used to it.

I am a strange political beast. I would have voted for McCain (back before he went batshit nutsoid), though I'm not a Republican. I reluctantly voted for Kerry, but I'm not a Democrat. I'd like to vote for Nader, but I don't like wasting my vote on someone who (for now) has no chance of winning. I want people to be able to have their religion (or not), their drugs (or not), their abortions (or not), their privacy (or not), their Massachusetts marriages (or not), and their Hooters (or not), and have nobody hate each other for it. Is that so hard? Can't we all just get along? I am anti-stupid, pro-spell checker, anti-waste, pro-personal responsibility, anti-fuck-with-other-people, pro-art, anti-hypocrisy, pro-honesty, anti-Bush, and pro-cookies. Preferably peanut butter cookies, with the little crosshatch marks on the top. So I guess all of that makes me something of a Libertarian, though I'd rather not be grouped with a bunch of crazies (I prefer personalized insanity).

I am indier than thou, and The Man hates me because he hates the truth. He also hates cute widdle kitties. The bastard.

I write about teh Iraq, tsunamis, fraudulent elections (both at home and overseas), the ever-looming American Theocracy, anything shiny that catches my eye, and apparently post lots of pictures of carbombs and mutant desert bugs. I also use too many parenthesis, commas, and other assorted nonessential independent clause punctuation. I have no life, but this time it's not my fault! I can blame the military now.

If you're really really bored and want to read more about me you can go here for some... reading, even if you're not romantically interested in me, though that's obviously only because you have terrible taste in mates. Or you're straight. Whichever. It's over there and not over here because I'm too lazy to copy it over here and then keep both of them updated. So shut up.

I participated in Vancouver's Zombie Walk 2005 back in August. Win!

I am the infamous Evilspork of the Draenor server, scurviest pirate to sail the Maelstrom and the four seas of Azeroth, rampant flayer of all idiot psyches in general channels, helpful assistant to all the good little boys and girls of Ironforge, picker of all locks, and master of Stranglethorn Vale. I am also the somewhat more infamous Sarcophilia, just as helpful but not known for such, just as sarcastic with this as his popular persona, and uberest warlock to ever uber.

I also intermittently play The Joker over on 👁 Image
sages_of_chaos - lover of a good time, master chemist, and grade-A whackaloon. My rendition is the controlled-crazy of Mark Hamill's version, rather than the over-the-top Jack Nicholson experience. And no, while my Livejournal username fits nicely with Joker's alter-ego, I started using it from another, non-comic, source. It's fun, check it out.

I have no secrets - just things nobody has asked yet. Keep that in mind.

You should also check out that horribly maintained Memories thing down there. But only if you want to, of course.

"@[=g3.8d]\&fbb=-q]/hk%fg", 1.6, 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375, anagnorisis, anthroponyms, apostrophe's, architecture, asparagus valley cultural society, asymmetry, babies, bbq sauce, blue, blue goo, blue stew, blue tacobell drink lids, blue who, blue you, bobo, body horror, bohemianism, breathing, brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116, buh-weep granah weep ninnibong, cambridge (our fair city), cheese, chicken butt, conebone69, congealed sunlight and dirt, cookies on dowels, cool shit, counting ceiling tiles, deathmøle, defective skunks, domestic mischief, dragons in the garage, dunkin' not krispy, e-peeing myself in e-public, eggplant marmosets, elevator action interludes, emergency pants, emphasis, etiological etymology of entomology, falsifying statistics, fire, fluid dynamics, flüggåɘnk∂€čhiœßøl∫ên, freaka-me, freaka-you, frozen twix, goofy shit, green tempra paint, hacking the gibson, high-speed burns through barstow, honey sos wtf, hot shit, i don't know, i n t j, i.tried.to.put.something.with.five.words.here, it didn't work well, itty bitty nixons, ivan the space biker, justin bailey, lafinjack, lamp, laura palmer, lazurs (charging/firing them), loading this with junk, long jackets, lysdexia, m.c. muumuu, making stuff, making stuff up, marathon dr'ate'r, mass insanity, me, mike not joel, more better grammer, more stuff, non-regressive molecular anthropology, not big chin anime, not dying, not iraq, not not knowing, not pickles, omphaloskepsis, organized chaos, other stuff, pacific air 121, pastafarianism, pencils, people, pi with an e, piggy jelly, pinot grand fenwick wine, please and thank you, poetic justices, poor impulse control, porkchop sandwiches, production values, public displays of shut-the-fuck-up, pumpernickel cheez-wiz, pvs-philia, q bombs, quesadillas, re-googling these idiot-in-joke interests, return code 200 go, schadenfreude, science, shenanigans, shiny things, shitty shitty fag fag, shooting the albatross, short skirts, skepticism, something borrowed, something else, something i can't remember, something i could remember, space ghost, spaghetti on the internet, spandex muumuus, stormy, stuff, symmetry, synonyms for wig, tame eeps, tasty ketchup, that one thing, that other thing, that thing i sentcha, things, tipu (mhhnbs - pbuh), toasty buns, troll sweat, u.s. patent 5920923, unique interests, vituperating, wankel rotary engines, ween not weezer, weirding out the mundanes, whimsy, wide awake and physical, yes i am bored, you, your mom, your mom's mom, your mom's mom's mom, your uncle frank, zuuuuuuuul!, ∞

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