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I went to Hellraver last night in Belgium, WI. it was my first outdoor party. In a big ass field, three stages, giant bon fire.. it was a partay indeed.
It was my first time rolling, ever. I felt like I was in a dream most of the time. I loved the feeling of loveness in me, I already am lovey as a person and that stuff just made me moreso. I noticed that lights lasted longer, trailing and brighter than ever. Anything that sparkled or was blinky, I would try to grab and make it mine. The lights next to the stages were the most captivating, I remember walking toward them to try and touch them, but my friends made sure I was held back. I am glad no one let me knock anything over, because I fully intended to grab those lights. Also, I loved the projections, I would walk toward the projector and just stare into it and watch the colors go.
I loved all the people coming by me to give hugs and loves. My friend Colin gives the best rolly hugs ever, he does this thing with his hands where he rolls them up and down your back with just the right pressure, it felt like an orgasm every time. I loved light shows, every time I saw a raver with lights or glow sticks, I stopped and watched. Sometimes they would ask me if I wanted a show :).
It was hard for me to walk on the stuff, especially while I was peaking and about a few hours after. I also can't talk very well at all, I can say a few words, but then I just get lost in thought during a conversation. The worst side effects are the wandering mind, racing thoughts and chewing. I think I chewed through my first binky, though, I lost it at the end of the night so I don't know if I really did. I remember my inability to keep the binky in my mouth, every once in awhile it would fall out and I would'nt even notice. My friends who were babysitting me had to stuff it back in so I would not chew my face off. Sometimes I spit it out just to be naughty so they had to get it and put it back in. Hee hee.
Everything made me laugh, my vision was blurry at times and my eyes did this thing where they darted back and fourth as I was peaking and a little after. My ability to focus was terrible, and my range of sight was not so far. I loved to see car lights, they were very bright to me...good thing my friends were there when I wanted to walk toward them, because I know I would have. The field we were on had everyone parking right up to the actual rave area, so when cars would leave they would have to roll past the large fire, where I was stationed for most of the night.
I was amazed at how time flies when you are rolling, I felt like I was only at the party for an hour when I got there at 11 and left at 6AM when the sun came up. Micheal Wentz came up to talk to me and I did'nt recognize him until he said hi for the third time, normally I would know him right away. I remember Logan and Colin coming up to me at the rave and talking to me loudly, all I could do was stare at them. I remember Colin standing in front of me with his hands on my shoulders saying "Chrystal, say something, say 'hi'", I tried to say hi, but I could only mouth it with no sound. I just gave him hugs instead. I remember staring with my eyes wide open, they felt like they were huge. I loved the smell of that Vick's stuff, Logan kept blowing it into my face and I would just breathe it in, it was amazing.
Today I am completely exhausted, my jaw hurts to close it and to chew, I still have a small urge to chew as well. My head feels like it's cloudy and off-center. I am having a hard time thinking straight and remembering to do things. I am really spaced out and have a slower reaction time.
I think that rolling is not an all the time thing, but I will definetly do it again. It did what I wanted it to do, it made me forget what is ailing me at this time, and just be happy.
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