I just spent an hour listening to my favorite music and tweezing my eyesbrows and other random stray/rogue hairs on my face. Have fixed hair in two high buns on top of my head. Am getting ready 3 hours early. xoxo ciao

I took a shower and now I smell delightfully like herbal essences shampoo. I removed my nail polish from last week's manicure that I had been fiestily peeling and repainted them with clear nail envy polish. They are growing surprisingly well. Must be my vitamins. I am still in a pretty bad mood, ma is being impossible. I think I'll sneak into the trunk of one of the Poles' cars tomorrow. I can live at their house and mend shoes....I'll be a dark elf, only a benign one. *sniffles* I wanna hug :-(

Today wasn't so great. I really can't complain, there were no catastrophies or tragedies, so to whine is really not nice of me. So finally my mom came home around 3, and decided that instead of taking me to skating, we should go directly to the studio to meet with Vic. She came over, started screaming at me, and then we had to go to our old house beause Drew was working on it, and we spent like an hour there with her out and about the yard, screaming at me to find her makeup, glasses, checkbook, money...I was madly listening to that Lament by Dido...I listened to it about 12 times in a row. FINALLY we left to go to Vic's, we got there an hour an a half late. We had our little meeting, talked about what we're going to get done, and then we came home. I was soooo hungry my tummy really hurt and I came home and ate too much. As far as seeing Beata tomorrow, I'm not even allowed to call her, and now my mom doesn't really feel like even taking me to the party at all. So I'm going to be locked in this hell hole all day over here with ma screaming at me until we leave the house around 4. She'd rather make things harder for herself just so I can't have friends. I'm in a pretty bad mood now. I'm very tired, my tummy hurts, my eyes feel funny and I need a shower. I missed skating 2 days in a row. I should shut up now, I'm being a bitch.

So I woke up at 5 this morning SCREAMING. I was having this nightmare that a bat was flying over to me while I was asleep and it was going to kill me. Now I mean, I don't have a terror of bats and I wasn't watching or reading anything about bats, so I don;'t know why I dreamed that or why I was so incredibly terrified. Mommy didn't sleep at all and now she is at our old house with Drewm her insane cousin, trying to salvage some of our old stuff. I called Monika this morning to find out what time the party is tomorrow. It's at 5:30, and I told her my mom can only bring me at 2. I was hoping she'd say I could stay with her for the extra time, ya know, it's always best to be on the good side of the lead singer of an opera company...She said "As much as I would love to spend time with you I'm working all day tomorrow until 5!" so I'm gonna call Beata and ask her if I can stay with her from 2 and then go to the party with her. I don;'t know what's up with this party though, it's sounding kinda weird. First of all, all the gypsies are supposed to come in their gypsy costumes, which is kinda embarassing, and I'm going to have a swarm of polish women pulling at my boobies trying to give me better cleavage if I wear that again. And a bunch of people dressed like gypsies? I mean, it's embarassing! And then all the solosits are going to be there. They certainly dont have gyspy costumes, so they get to look like normal people. Or at least as normal as it is possible for slavic opera singers to look. Monika said the.....what did she call it....the "ceremony" will start at 5:30 and then there will be food and music and dancing. Now, I'm REALLY hoping it's not going to be polka music lol meanwhile if Maksim is gonna be there, he'll spend the whole time trying to grope me. So I mean, being groped by a mad russian guy and a troupe of polish women....hmm what an odd farty this is going to end up being. So I am supposed to go to skating, then I gotta meet with Vic about my orchestration for my songs, then I gotta go to the gym. I have to meet with Ira to work on getting some more music written, since I have like 5 songs half written and have gotten stuck, and then I have to meet with Alex to get the arangements done, then get to the studio and record them, and re record the ones I already have. I have another photo shoot I'm gonna schedule with Gian (my GOD is he HOT, just one look at him and I could just fall at his feet) and I have to get copies of my pictures and send them to lots of modeling agencies, since like, 7 people in the last month have told me I should model, and it'll be a nice little extra income to keep me afloat while I get my other projects done. As far as skating goes, since Nikolai is being scarce at the moment, I'm gonna keep plugging away at these triples and hopefully by the time I work with him again I'll have a handful of them consistent. I'm gonna go get dressed for skating now, since I'm sitting here in my pyjamas, and then I'm going out for the day. I'll write when I get home tonight for an update about whether or not I get to hang out with Beata pre party zavtra. oops switched over into russian. Isn't that weird how that happens? my brain flounders around every once in a while. Ok lovies ciao xoxo Thaea

Just got home. Maia was at the rink again. Have a sore throat. Missed singing lesson and missed Will and Grace. People don't return my phone calls. Suffering from severe lack of sleep. More later ciao xoxo

I absolutely can NOT remember what happened today. It's coming back a litte....I called apple this morning and was on the phone with them for about an hour and a half and they told me they don't know what'd wrong with my computer. GRRRR Then I went skating with my mom and my grandma and they let me drive. So at the rink of course, there's this girl skating whom I've always had trouble with....her mother used to spread nasty rumors about me and stuff. And she was having a lesson with a former coach of mine, which was kinda akward. But none the less I was skating really well, and the girl got off the ice and I'm jumping well and all, but then the girl gets back on the ice for another lesson with this coach named Maia. Ok here's the story about Maia: she was Oksana's best friend. When my coach of 2 years, Sergei abandoned me without notice and without a word one day, Maia took care of me. She was one of those people that when I met her, we immediately had a connection between our souls. She ALWAYS looked directly into my eyes, and gave me hugs, told me I was a good girl...was a WONDERFUL WONDERFUL person to work with. There was all this bullshit about how she understands I'm upset but she'll always be there for me. Once she was teaching me a new footwork sequence that I was having trouble with. "Look into my eyes, i'll stay with you while you skate" and that focus made me get through it perfectly. She spoke only Russian with me and was so proud of me and I was SOOOO happy to have someone to support me and take care of me. So one day she calls and cancels my lesson. OK. So I call her in a few days to reschedule, and get her answering machine. Leave a message. She doesn't call me back. Leave another message after a few days. She doesn't call me back. After a week, leave one more message, where are you why wont you return my phone calls I'm coach-less here what's going on? She doesn't call back. I was SOOO weakened at the time from what Sergei had done to me, and then she built me all up again, and ripped me down. She was a perfect coach and friend and like virtually eveyone else I meet, she abandoned me when I needed her most and was most vulnerable. So I hadn't heard from her in just about a year. So today this girl I have a problem with, she gets on the ice and MAIA comes with her to help her with choreography. Now mind you, this girl has been skating for like, 459900 years, and she is AWFUL. She will NEVER skate well no matter what she does or whom she works with. So Maia said hi to my mom (I was off jumping at the time) and then she kept trying to catch my eye. I was having trouble breathing again, and seeing Maia really threw me off even more. After that I started popping all my jumps. I didn't know if I wanted to just go and put my arms around her and cry, let all my feelings out and let her hold me the way she used to, or to scream at her for being so inconsiderate and insane. I wanted to cry and scream and just ugh it wasn't good. So I got off the ice. We went to eat at Bertucci's and I nibbled. We went home, I went to the gym that I joined last night and first person I see is Jen Falcowich, whom I hadn't seen since 7th grade. She looked EXACTLY the same and was very very very sweet and happy to see me. She and Michelle made out at a concert when they were like 15. LOL but she and Michelle are both straight. Anyway which brings me to, ok guys I gotta explain something. Anyone reading this may or may not notice I talk about girls a lot. I am NOT gay, I am straight and boy crazy and will some day marry a really hot guy and live happily ever after with my perfect husband. However, due to certain things in my childhood relating to my father, I was unable to have a relationship with a male, scared that they would hurt me or do something bad to me mike my dad did while I was growing up. Every man I have known in my life has done something to hurt me, most of all my father. My coach Sergei who was like a father to me left, Michael whom I was in love with for about 4 years went crazy or soemthing, the asshole....boys in school beat me up every day, my Russian teacher at Yale was nice to everyone in class but screamed at me every day, Raphael made me even more confused and maybe worst of all, he-who-shall-not-be-named frickin stole 3 years of my life and cost me 3 years of sleep. I still can't even mention his name. The point that I'm trying to make is yes indeed I am very very interested in boys, but at the moment spend more time with girls, which is why I have more to talk about girls than boys right now. Ugh that was convoluded. Meanwhile, I have SUCH A HUGE CRUSH on my current coach Nikolai, who is the same age as Raphael. However, Nikolai has that slut-bitch-hag-whore-freak hanging on him all the time. He doens't even LIKE her. I loooove the way he flirts with me, it's so cute! If it weren't for her I'd be all set. I even have a crush on Ruslan, even though I know that's wrong because he has a wife. I didn't even mind Maxim flirting with me, even though he's too old and has a bit of a tummy, I thought it was cool to get all that attention. ANYWAY enough of this madness I'm off to go sit for a few hours and obsess over something or other. Ciao xoxo

I got up and went for an appointment with the doctor to see about removing the hair on my legs with a laser. She was really really really nice and i'm going in on the 19th for a treatment. then I went to skating, did pretty well actually, jumps are great. Then on the way home I sang along with Celine Dion....omigosh her songs are SOOOOO DAMN EASY that it's not even FUNNY. But I was just focusing on getting my technique really solid with the easy songs. Then I started singing with Sarah and it was much easier, I sounded really good. and yay the MOST exciting thing today, I got my will and grace season 2 in the mail. That should keep me alive and kickin' till I can recharge my batteries on saturday. I ate SOOOO well today, very proud of myself. I had 2 eggs for breakfast and one slice of black bread toasted, then I had a big salad with tuna on it and then I made myself one of my shakes: frozen stawberrries, frozen yogurt and protein powder. REALLY not in the mood to go into anything deep or serious right now, am too uplifted. I'm trying to go to join the gym tonight, but ma doesn't feel like it. Ok I'll be back later ciao xoxo