I can't hear you, are you talkin' to me?
I can't hear you, are you talkin' to me?
I can't hear you, time to meet my Lord
I can't hear you, talk to two by four!
— Metallica, "2x4"
The ubiquitous 2×4, (even though it's really 1½"×3½" in real life)*Even more erroneously, this name is also used for 4x4 wood, which are perfectly square and make for perfect improvised clubs found just about everywhere at hardware stores, construction sites, home renovations, garages, and just about anywhere else there's wood to be found. It's an unassuming little item, highly flexible in its possible applications, able to serve as either construction material for building a home, protecting said home against unwanted intrusion... or even an expedient substitute when a baseball bat isn't available. Bonus points if there are nails, screws, bolts or even spikes on the business end for added pain.
This weapon is surprisingly prevalent in works involving brawls taking place in a urban setting (especially Beat Em Ups), either in the hands of the good guys or bad guys (usually disposable thug/punks). It's also very common to see in Zombie Apocalypse scenarios which already loves making use of Improbable Improvised Weapons.
This trope covers all other kinds of lumber/timber from wooden poles/sticks, boards, planks, and etc. of different shapes and sizes. As long as it's a piece of construction wood and used as a weapon. Other wooden weapons such as Baseball/cricket bats, wooden clubs/maces or staves/spears have their own tropes.
Needless to say, a subtrope of Improvised Weapon. While it may seem the same as Carry a Big Stick, it falls more under Improbable Weapon User category due to the awkwardness that would be encountered when trying to wield a wooden plank/board as a weapon in its standard form.
Examples:
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Films — Live-Action
- Clownhouse: When Casey and Geoffrey are confronted by a Monster Clown in the attic, Geoffrey hits him repeatedly in the head with a piece of timber, forcing him to back up. As he does so, Casey kneels down at the top of the stairs. The retreating clown trips over him and takes a Staircase Tumble.
- Sara and Billy utilize this trope in Day of the Dead when they're locked in the corral full of zombies.
- The Doorman: When Borz is holding Ali at gunpoint, Uncle Pat saves her by coming up behind him and smashing a plank over his head.
- Dream Home have a rather gruesome murder scene where the victim has a plank shoved down her throat.
- The Evil Dead (1981): Ash uses a large wooden plank to beat his demonically possessed girlfriend Linda after she digs herself out of her grave. It eventually breaks and he has to decapitate her with a shovel before she can kill him.
- Used for a Visual Pun in Hot Shots! Part Deux. During the Train-Station Goodbye, a conductor cries out "BOARD! BOARD!" to the passengers waiting to get on the train. One man ignores him only to get clonked in the head by a carpenter carrying a 2x4.
Conductor: Warned ya twice.
- J-Men Forever. Rocket Jock tries using one against Tin-Can Robot R2ScrewU to little effect. "Did you hear the one about the robot and the pole!"
- The infected in The Last Man on Earth make use of 2×4s in their efforts to kill Robert Morgan.
- Night of the Living Dead features 2×4s being used both to reinforce the windows and doors, and to dispatch a zombie when things have gone from bad to worse.
- They Live!: At one point during the big fight between Nada and Frank, the former gets so frustrated he tries to strike him with a 2x4 but ends up shattering a car window behind Frank. It gets funny when Nada immediately drops the heavy plank apologizing to Frank for using such potentially lethal attack, but starts to laugh when Frank angrily attempts and fails doing a Grievous Bottley Harm in response.
- Tommy Boy: When Richard's car is well and truly ruined thanks to Tommy, he angrily pulls off the highway next to a 'Prehistoric Forest' roadside attraction, and has it out with him. They step out of the car to duke it out, and Tommy lets Richard take his best shot. After a couple of punches have no effect, Richard picks up a 2×4 and smacks Tommy across the face, knocking him cold. Richard looks up and says "Hey, Prehistoric Forest!"
- In the western comedy The Villain, protagonist Cactus Jack Slade is in a saloon gratuitously punching people in various ways and naming them as he does so. (Upper cut, right cross, and so forth.) He finally gets a taste of his own medicine and then some: "And that's a 2×4."
- Chris Vaughn (played by Dwayne Johnson) in Walking Tall (2004) arms himself with a 4x4 piece of wood as he enters the casino, he later has the 4x4 made into an Improvised baseball bat.
- This film was of course a remake of Walking Tall (1973) and it's various sequels where Buford Pusser (himself a Real Life example) would smash up the Dixie Mob's moonshine stills with various pieces of lumber.
Literature
- In the 2011 novel My Name Is Not Easy, the two protagonists, both Alaskan Native children who have been sent to a Canadian boarding school designed to crush the "Indian" out of them, come to a truce and become a team when they are both called into the office and beaten with a plank of wood for "disobedience."
Live-Action TV
- In Ash vs. Evil Dead, when getting a rematch with the Deadite-possesed Henrietta (well technically the past version of her), Ash tries to use a wooden plank with some nails hammered through it to fight her, although due to being an undead bloated corpse. All it does is have the nails end up getting stuck to her body.
- The A-Team made occasional use of this trope whenever BA needed to go flying for a mission, and the usual sedative wasn't available for the job.
- Blue Murder Motel: In "Run For Your Life", the Victim of the Week is beaten to death with a fence paling.
- Midsomer Murders:
- In "The Village That Rose from the Dead", Milo Craven is on the phone to his wife when the killer whacks him on the head with a length of wood.
- In "Sins of Commission", while walking through the cemetery, Winter gets hit over the head with a length of wood and knocked out.
- In the BBC series The Young Ones Vivian rips up a floorboard and uses it to beat Rick over the head with.
Pro Wrestling
- "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan famously made use of a 2×4 as a weapon, he started right about the time he feuded with "Hacksaw" Butch Reed over who was the true "hacksaw".
- During her time with Raven, Terri Poch would interfere in his matches by hitting his opponent with a 2×4.
Video Games
- Taking inspiration from old-school Beat Em Ups, Action Doom 2: Urban Brawl naturally has a wooden plank as an available weapon, not only that however it's also got a long spike (weirdly nailed through the thin side instead of the broad flat side) and has tape wrapped around the other end to serve as a handle.
- Castle Crashers features the 2×4 as an available weapon in the Blacksmith DLC pack.
- Like many zombie games, Cataclysm has these as a weapon. They're actually quite weak, but they're better than your bare hands (unless you have enough points in unarmed combat) and easy to find (just break some furniture, or have a zombie do that for you). You can also craft a version with nails in it for added damage.
- Easily one of the more plentiful melee weapons to see in Condemned: Criminal Origins and Condemned 2: Bloodshot, but not only that they come in many different flavors as well. From plain, to ones with bolts or nails through them and even ones that are burning. The last one is especially important as you have to use them in the final levels were you lack a flashlight for illumination
- The first craftable melee weapon in Darkwood is the Board with Nails, a crude implement that is merely a wooden board with some nails hammered into it. It doesn't do a huge amount of damage, has short range and breaks quickly, but it's very easy to craft and repair (since wood planks and nails are exceedingly common resources you can find everywhere).
- The 2×4 is a very common weapon in the Dead Rising series. Thanks to the combo weapon system introduced from 2 and used onward. There are a few combo weapons to be made with the ubiquitous 2" x 4". In 3 Nick can make "Heavy Metal"👁 Image
a combo weapon made with another ubiquitous weapon, the Lead Pipe. Creating a large improvised and very gnarly-looking mace. - The wooden plank is a common weapon found in Dead Island, they are most often found in the Resort area, usually having broken off from wooden floors, walkways, or fences. They come in three variants, wooden, fence, or nailed with the last one dealing more damage than the other two. Due to being improvised emergency weapons they don't scale to the players level and can't be modified. They are often wielded by zombies and will even be thrown at the palyer if they are far enough.
- Dead Island 2 has Burnt Timber as the resident wooden improvised weapon. Like all improvised weapons in game, they can't be modified and are at best just scrapped for materials.
- Dying Light has a large arsenal of improvised melee weapons, which also includes the wooden plank as a usable weapon for dispatching zombies. Like all melee weapons you can also modify and upgrade it to further its effectiveness.
- Fallout:
- Fallout 3 and Fallout: New Vegas features a nailed plank as a common weapon among mutants and raiders, with at least one variant called the "Board of Education".
- It appears again👁 Image
in Fallout 4 and 76, although very different from most kinds of 2x4 or 4x4 weapons, instead it looks somewhat akin to a cricket bat with even a long relatively thin handle that's wrapped with duct tape for grip. It can be seen often in the hands of the super mutants. Thanks to 4's rather robust weapon customization system you can give your plank different upgrades to make it more viable as a weapon.
- A weapon available to the Camp Counselors in Friday the 13th: The Game is the wood plank. It's pretty mediocore weapon but better than being barehanded, it's also very common to find throughout the various outdoor areas on the maps.
- Full Throttle features this as one of the weapons you can obtain at the Mine Road when engaging in some Motorcycle Jousting, out of all the weapons it is the one needed to obtain the Cavefish's goggles. Earlier in the game, Bolus speculates that Malcolm Corley might be getting worked over with a 2x4 by the gang he went to see, and that's why he's delayed, but Ripburger (correctly) predicts that Malcolm is actually swapping stories with them.
- The wooden plank is an environmental weapon available in Guild Wars 2, it appears to be tapered and even has it's own moveset when used by the warrior class (although the uniqueness is mostly relegated to move names).
- The Wood Board is an available melee weapon in The Last Stand: Union City; it's even described as "good old 2x4". It's a somewhat common weapon to find, and decent when the alternatives are broken tire irons and pocket knives, although you're encouraged to replace it with something better when you have the chance. Later on, you can get a quest for a broken wooden board, some nails and a roll of tape. Completing it nets you the Heavy versionnote added weight and damage of the Nail Board,👁 Image
one of the best weapons in the early game and able to one-shot most zombies with a swing to the head even in mid-game areas. - The 2×4 is a very common weapon in The Last of Us, and is in fact the first melee weapon you come across. Durability is weak, able to withstand only four hits in its unmodified form before breaking apart, but it proves to be quite common, so another is easy enough to find when facing other humans. Interestingly enough they call it a 2×4 in the game despite the fact that it's clearly square (likely a 4x4).
- Used impulsively by Rachel Amber in Episode 3 of Life Is Strange: Before the Storm on Damon Merrick after he draws a knife on her in the junkyard in frustration at her asking too many questions about Sera Gearhardt. This ends as you would expect: Damon stabs her in response, and the only reason Rachel survives is a combination of Frank holding Damon off and Chloe frantically driving her to the hospital; James later even notes that a few more minutes and she would have died.
- A common weapon to be found in the Like a Dragon series, usually referred to as "Lumber" (or any other names) and very prevalent. Either as something that can be bought from shops or picked up off the street/floor/wherever the fighting is, to deliver the hurt on some Mooks. It usually comes in a 4x4 shape but it's length either goes from club-like to staff-like (referred to as "Long Lumber"), and as with every weapon have some HEAT moves to deliver some serious pain.
- Shinada from Yakuza 5 doesn't enjoy the Batter Up! trope, but is willing to use his skills from his baseball career to deliver some mean attacks with blunt weapons. Lumber is one of his preferred weapons, with one of his Revelations showing him use Lumber against a mook.
- Ichiban's "Hero" class from Yakuza: Like a Dragon, mainly makes use of baseball bats or any other blunt weapons. Which includes two kinds of Lumber, the regular 4x4 or Flaming Lumber.
- Mother 3 has Flint, who uses a 2-by-4 as his weapon of choice. He uses it to beat the stuffing out of everything in his way. When he goes into an Unstoppable Rage over his wife's death, Lighter has to whack him in the back of the head with it to knock him out. It was the only way to get him to stop attacking the other villagers as they try to comfort him and reign in his fury.
- Pokémon Black and White: Timburr fights with the wooden beam that it always carries.
- Project Zomboid lets players use the wooden plank either as building materials or as a weapon, either by itself, or modified with nails to create the nailed plank.
- Used a few times in Resident Evil.
- Resident Evil 4 has Ashley, when first meeting with Leon, toss a plank at him.
- The Majini of Resident Evil 5 are armed with a variety of melee weapons, including wooden planks with nails hammered into the end.
- One of the available melee weapons in Resident Evil: Outbreak that can be used by most survivors.
- Appears twice in the Silent Hill series.
- The first weapon James Sunderland equips in Silent Hill 2 is the wooden plank that he rips from a safety barricade, complete with rusty nails stuck in the end. It's narrower than your usual 2×4, looking more like a 2×2 fencing post. He makes use of it when he first encounters a Lying Figure. While obviously weaker than the pipe you receive later in the game, it has the bonus of being much quicker to swing and allowing James to move freely and even run while swinging it.
- Silent Hill: Book of Memories also features the wooden plank as a weapon. But unlike Silent Hill 2, Book of Memories features the Breakable Weapons system, so it's only a temporary weapon.
- In Small Saga, the shrew city of Vinium is built out of LEGO bricks, including the colosseum. Verm the mouse, rushing to the aid of a friend forced into Gladiator Games and lacking his usual BFS, wrenches up a brick longer than he is tall to use as a weapon. It barely gives him any stat bonuses but performs perfectly well, and somehow can still inflict the Bleed status effect.
- The Splatterhouse series features the 2×4 as a very common available weapon. It naturally returns in the 2010 remake with a much meaner-looking appearance to fit with the remake's Darker and Edgier aesthetic. Instead of being a simple piece of lumber, it's more like one big block of wood that has several smaller pieces of wood nailed to it with railroad spikes and nails, acting more like an Improvised spiky wooden mace, it's a very common weapon to find and is classified as a medium-strength bludgeoning weapon. It was even voted number 95 in IGN's Top 100 weapons in video games list👁 Image
.Terror Mask: 2x4... handy. Let's do some fucking carpentry. - Unbound Saga have planks as a recurring melee weapon, which you can pick up after smashing benches, craates, or any breakable environments, before picking up long wooden pieces to swing like baseball bats.
- The video game Urban Reign features the 2×4 as a playable weapon, but it breaks after one use.
- World of Warcraft features a wooden board with a nail through it as a one handed weapon, simply and aptly named the spiked wooden plank.
- A great number of wrestling video games lets you use a piece of lumber, thanks to the aforementioned "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan.
Webcomics
- Cyanide and Happiness: One of the guys in this comic👁 Image
has a wooden board with a nail through it as a weapon.
Web Original
- Zombie Go Boom👁 Image
:- The show has tested the 2×4 as a possible zombie apocalypse weapon, and have found that it can indeed destroy their test skull analog zombie heads. It's even stated as being Jim Goza's favorite weapon.
- They also try out in making a real version👁 Image
of the Nerf (Brand) Zombie Strike club👁 Image
. Which is a strangely shaped piece of wood with what appears to be either door hinges or a piece of sheet metal, wrapped then riveted/screwed onto it. Upon testing they find out it is a surprisingly very practical budget weapon in practice.
Western Animation
- In the Celebrity Deathmatch episode pitting the best known James Bond actors, Sean Connery and Roger Moore against one another, it's a battle of improbable spy gadgets. Sean Connery eventually pulls out a board with a nail hammered through it.
- In the King of the Hill episode "The Redneck of Rainey Street" Kahn and Hank square off in a stick fight with 2×4s, with the latter trying to talk the former out of his adopted redneck lifestyle.
- In The Simpsons, Moe Szyslak's weapon of choice is a plank with nails sticking out; he once wins a Duff Beer sponsored "best bartender" contest when he wins the drunk tossing portion by chasing Barney with one.
Real Life
- In Los Angeles, California, a pit bull attack on an animal control officer was caught on tape while the officer was investigating reports on said animal. While the present camera crew failed to stop the attack, a neighbor came to the rescue and beat the dog off of the officer with a 2×4.