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Jackie Chan is perhaps the greatest ever thing.

 
Also, Day Four of this meme is about what I ate today. Uhh, cranberry wheats and a cup of tea, which is a lot healthier than most of what I've been eating over the past two weeks. Oh dear.

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More Time-wasting

 And this time, it's the second question of that meme thingy 👁 Image
lil_lost_kitten is doing.

My First Love

This would require a lengthy explanation as to what I think love is but apparently that's going to come up as a question later, so screw it. My first love was a friend of mine when I was a wee kiddie, who I may have spoken about on here but I've deleted a lot of old entries, so maybe he didn't survive the mass bahletion. At any rate, we were friends when I was four, and he introduced me to Transformers and Power Rangers, etc. He refused to let me be girly characters whenever we played pretend, because he didn't want to have to rescue princesses when he could be killing baddies instead. One evening we invited my brother and his sister to join us as we pretended to be Masters of the Universe: he was He-Man, I was She-Ra (it was allowed because she had a sword), and our siblings got to be our beasts of burden. After ten minutes of having to drag bigger kids than you around the edge of a swimming pool you tend to get a bit pissed, though, so the game didn't last long.

So, it was by no means romantic love, but we were very little, and we had a lot of fun. But we only knew each other a few months, because his family went back to England a little while after we moved to Saudi. Had we been older and had more time together we probably would've stayed in touch, but I quickly moved on to imitating the older girls who moved into his house. Never stopped watching Transformers, though.

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Writer's Block: Family planning

I don't really do these, but this one's pretty relevant. The trouble for me isn't conceiving, it's carrying - if I take the meds that actually control my seizures (the new ones don't quite so well as the old ones) they'll do some pretty nasty things to my kiddo while in the womb. The chances of my children having spina bifida, autism, developmental delay, etc, are all much higher than someone *not* on those meds. It's the same if they drank my breast milk. If I don't take the meds, however, I could seize and miscarry. So my only real options are surrogacy or adoption, both of which are pretty expensive, and not something I'd ever be likely to afford.

Bah.

• Tags:
  writer's block

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College Girl!

 So today was my first day of college, sort of. I went in the week before last to enrol, and did what I thought was All The Admin. There was more today, and a scavenger hunt, and lots of get to know you games. That's really all this week seems to be. I had to give them thirty quid so that I can get to know people on a lake on Thursday :S There hasn't been anything like handing out timetables or letting us pick what electives we want out of the few they have on offer (and as I was miffed to discover, the unit for special needs is now gone).

I was a bit mad earlier this morning. Aside from the obvious crap like everyone being sixteen and being genuinely concerned about what people think about their outfits - I shit you not, it's true! - one of the tutors told us that anyone interested in working with special needs children should 'make an effort to be nice to the disabled students, to get a feel for what it's like'.

Coulda slapped her. Should've, actually. You should treat people the same regardless of what conditions they do or don't have, and you certainly shouldn't just make effort because you might get something out of it. The worst part is, she's now set this as the standard for all the other students to follow. Be nice, but insincere and patronising. But then I suppose that's better than what a couple of the other students had in mind, because one girl on my table (who is luckily not in my tutor group as of next week) made a disgusted sound in the back of her throat and asked 'why?'.

*headdesk*

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Huh.

 So, I had this dream last night, and I can't for the life of me remember any of it apart from me taking half a stride across a room, but when I woke up I knew I was doing something important in that dream. Or at least that I was dreaming about something important. I don't remember. But afterwards I spent the entire morning thinking about someone I haven't thought about in a long while, at least properly. It might be because I have my laptop back now, and I'm listening to more than just the one playlist I had on repeat all summer. And now every other thing that comes on is one of his songs or shows, and it's a little heartbreaking.

I didn't know him. Can't remember a single conversation we may have ever had. But it still makes me cry, or at the very least very sad, and I'll fixate on it for the longest time. Perhaps it's just hero worship. But then you don't listen to someone's voice every day for three years without feeling a tiny bit attached, especially when through the madness you keep catching glimpses of what he was really like, and finding you've never respected anyone more than you have him. I wish I'd known him. He was everything I wish the world could be.

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Brrrr!

I'm at summer camp again! Only I am in the kitchen. It's cool, but very stressy. I get to wear a hairnet, too. It's pretty damn sexy.

Other than that there's not a whole lot else going on. I'm going to visit friends in August once my contract's up, then try to go to college, though the fuckers in admissions haven't gotten back to me (because they are fuckers, and disorganised ones at that). If I don't hear back in two weeks I'm going to start job hunting at schools in the area, special needs or not. I can't spend another seven months doing nothing. At least before my arm was partly to blame, but I *need* that fricking ND qualification to get a job I can actually live on, and if they won't give me that this year then I have to try in 2011. I'll turn 22 a month after the course starts and be surrounded by 16 year olds. What the everloving fuck, West Herts.

Aaaand I'm not doing anything this weekend. Staying up late tonight since I only have half a day tomorrow, so I might sleep a lot, in the sun, and get a tan/burn/thing.

The office is very cold. I have half an hour before I need to start dinner so I might go sit outside and be warm. Being warm is a lot better than being cold.

It's always cold in my cabin at night, and I had a hoodie over my jammies. This makes me sad. 

We need some sort of portable heater. Or at least I do.

• Current Location: Haskell
• Current Music: Million Miles Away - Offspring

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So, tis the ten year anniversary of my Mum's death. I watched DBZ and ate sausage rolls >_> Comfort comes in many strange, strange forms.

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Writing

I have actually made progress on a story for once, and yet somehow the word count has gone down by a few hundred. This backwards logic is confusing!! And yet it seems to work fine.

At some point in the future expect Chaucer and Bellini being old and cranky. Or stabby. Whatever it is they do.

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Purely for the benefit of one Miss E. Coston

O HAI I UPDATED :D

Okay, erm, that's it for the sillies. Genuine update time, mayhaps.

• Horace and my titanium skeleton. The scar isn't looking quite as gross as it was, and only parts of it are hideously lumpy. Generally the bits people are most likely to see are still glaring red but also flat, which is an improvement. I might have to have an MUA though, but hey, they aren't cutting me open again and pain is my bitch, so bring it on.
• I have completed 254 missions out of 300 on FFTA2.
• I've also been watching a lot of Disney. Not the princess ones though. Unless it's so I can watch the Gaston song.
• Justin lives! FFTP is moving again!
• Considering a mastectomy. Pre-emptive strike for the cancer thing, ey?

• Current Location: The Park
• Current Music: Hellfire - Frollo!

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I don't think about this much, but...

I'm really upset I don't have a mum. I have missed out on a lot of mother-daughter only bonding and it's really only hit me this minute. I mean there shouldn't be anything to miss, like giggling over boyfriends or complaining about girly crap, since she died before I was old enough for any of that stuff, but thinking that I *could* have had it is making my throat very lumpy.

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