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degruy

I have been meaning to write this out so that some that have been asking me can know where I stand.

First my back ground.

I have had a great uncle that was trapped in France during the occupation and was an Army radio operator that while there helped the Resistance keep in communication with the rest of the world.

I had another that served in Vietnam but I have no idea what he did as he was one not to talk about it.

My uncle and aunt of my mother's side were both Russian linguists for the Air Force during the Cold War. My uncle is now in computers in a big way in DC for military and my aunt has served on Secretary Powell's staff when he was in office.

I myself served 12 years in uniform for the Army as a Communications team leader during the Cold War as well. My first Commander in Chief was Regan and my last was President Clinton.

Now my opinion of today arsenal.

I support soldiers. That being said why did I get out then?

Honestly I did not sign up of any sense of patriotism. I was a mercenary. I wanted money to go to school. I had pretty much pissed away a high school career and would not be able to really pay for a school that I wanted to go to. As I served I learned a sense of pride and patriotism from those awesome men and women I served with. I came to know more about what was good and right about our country from the people who has lived through Korea and Vietnam and some WW2 vets as well that were still in.

I knew when I signed up I could go to war. With the Russians or maybe China. I knew my leaders would put us in a war if needed to prevent another World War or nuclear holocaust or if our country was threatened. But that was it.

As time whet on and Desert Storm hit I knew times and attitudes were changing. Desert Storm I did not disagree with as we had mandate from the UN to do so and as long as we are still beholden to that group we must go along. But that is another discussion for later.

So in turn Irag I did not disagree with as Clinton had mandate from the UN to deal with Hussein. But he did not. We should have removed him as ordered, secured the country and GOT OUT. We were not wanted by the locals and I knew from the first thoughts that we would do this that we would stay too long.

So I saw then where the thought patterns were going and where the military would be used too often so I got out.

That all being said I support the soldiers of today's military but with a bad taste in my mouth. I knew when I signed up I *could* go to war. They that signed up in the last 8 years or so do so knowing they *will* go to war. A war and combat mission I as a private citizen do not agree with.

That is where I stand.

The bad thing about me doing the right thing at any given time is how many people could be hurt over it. The good thing is that generally no one notices when I do.

Really. This is a serious question. Not a MEME or silly "repost this in your livejournal thing." Is there something that you have done with me or I was part of setting up that you had never done before? That you would remember me for doing. You can respond privately if you wish (degruy@aol.com)but I truly do want to know this. Part of some serious thinking I am doing.

I had two tons of things to say and now I just cannot be bothered. Fuck.

I have not written here in a awhile. Facebook has got me used to being brief. I just have not really talked about anything since I left here.

What has happened?

Due to a unintentional mistake my longest friend that I have that I talked to on any real basis has stopped talking to me. Despite the accident of it I cannot blame her for wanting to defend her own. I just wish I had known better to have not made the mistake in the first place.

I am finding more and more pictures of me coming online from days past. And more and more people are finding out that yes I was there. For a long time while I was involved with the Unspoken I would go out to events around town when I was hiding from both her and my partner. Sad that alot of the times I got in trouble with being with one or the other I was with neither. And it is just further proof that yes, you did know me back then. And yes, I really can blend into the background if I choose to. There are so many pics from Fantasms and what not that people are really surprised I was there as they did not remember me.

The other side of that is I hate inviting myself to things. But there are so many cool behind the scenes events going on of recent that I would love to be a part of but ... well no one thinks of me because of how in the background I have been for all those years.

I guess the other big news here is that my partner is moving up north for some time for a job. No we are not splitting up or anything. It is just a great opportunity that cannot be passed up. She is excited but apprehensive. I would love to say I will not be a mess while she is gone but that would be a lie. I will be fine though. It is something that was going to come along at some point with her career track. I am very happy for her. The bad part for her is that I am never very demonstrative when she is here. She is such a basis in my life that I just function better in most ways with her just being there. I just have to find more and more to occupy me. The worst part will be that alot of what we do is stuff that I would do to keep me not thinking about things. I would not want her to be upset because I am doing these things. I hope she will be exploring alot of where she will be.

Enough of that. More of that later.

Maybe I should get back into LJ as less people read this than my FB. Hmm.

Most of you know I am poly and in a related relationship. My primary has been exploring others more recently. This relieves me alot as there are just things I cannot be for her. Things that she wants that I can do but it would be insincere as I am just not interested in them or a skillset I do not have. I have no secondary at the moment and I am really not looking for one. I did try to cultivate a little better relationship with the Fire Woman but she is really busy with school and it is just not working out. It is what it is as most would say.

I guess I should stop here as I have not done this in forever and this has taken me many hours.

And now I am going to see She as we have to do an exchange. I have no idea what is about to happen.

But it is drawing a good deal closer.

I don't really care so much about that but there is a wicked sense of humour behind this. I found it very funny myself tonight but this attempt was so ham handed as to not suspect anyone I know. There are two that could pull this off. One has the power to bull through most anything I could do about it and one it still connected by blood. Neither should have the interest but that does not mean someone around them is not playing at this.

The end game should not matter much. There is not alot there to be harmed. But I have learned not to underestimate the power of someone wronged or at least think they have been.

The veil keeps parting and showing me the other side. Better than heroin it is. But I kicked worse to the curb. It is just annoying at times but that is most likely the point. I await the next letter. It is far beyond time and I think maybe closer to close than ever before.

I have gotten use to the stress and tension again. This cannot be good. The last time anyone put their hands on me to relax me gasped before they could stop themselves.

You should feel from this side.

My vision suffers more by the day but at least the nights are the same as ever. Side effect? Possibly.

I really would not want this to be what I think it isn't. Really. Either path leads to destruction. I cannot bear to lose either. The third worse thought I ever have.

Frell. Enough.

Saturday Jsin is doing ELECTROHURTZ at aurumlounge $7 See www.secretroom.net for more info. Park for free over across the street behind the art supply shop or vortex and the FDA.

Sounded good for an opening.

Anyway.

Things from the last few weeks.

More and more people are now feeling comfortable enough with me or brave enough themselves to tell me what they think of me. Most good I do have to say but the common phrase being used now is "pretty." All good I suppose except that this information is always followed by why they cannot go any further than just saying that. My situation. Their situation. Whatever.

Frustrating and comforting. Hellish and thoughtful.

Whatever. Thank you. I guess.

I keep finding more and more I love the music I make with the band. And less and less am I liking performing. Gotta do something about that.

I will never again be the person I was. And no one believes me.

I cannot get enough to drink nowadays. Nor enough sleep. Nor enough...enough.

Enough.

Dr. Pournelle and Davey. Who could resist?