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BREAKING: A reporter just asked Mike Johnson for the first time at a press conference, “Why should we even ask you any questions today when you never read or hear about anything anyway?”
The Halfway Post
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The Halfway Post
@HalfwayPost
Dadaist graffiti news. Halfway true comedy and satire for your doomscrolling by @DashMacIntyre. I don't report the facts, I improve them.
- BREAKING: ICE just announced it is pausing the hotline where people can call to report undocumented immigrants because 90% of the calls are from people reporting Elon Musk.
- BREAKING: Several gay dating apps are reportedly threatening that, if the Supreme Court bans gay marriage, they'll reveal all the closeted Republican officials and members of Congress who have accounts on their platforms.
- BREAKING: The gay dating app Grindr says if Florida doesn’t stop passing homophobic and transphobic laws, they’ll reveal every Republican legislator and party official who secretly uses the app.Readers added context they thought people might want to knowReaders added contextGrindr has not issued any threats to disclose user data concerning public officials. Although this tweet is satirical, some readers might mistakenly perceive it as factual. apnews.com/article/fact-c…
- BREAKING: ICE has reportedly been getting hundreds of phone calls every day from citizens citing Elon Musk’s apparent illegal immigration to the US.
- BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly furious because his latest threats to leave NATO have backfired as European leaders are proposing to replace the US in NATO with Ukraine, start curb stomping Russia all together, and then make Trump utterly irrelevant in all the negotiations.
- BREAKING: An executive of the gay dating app Grindr says the Republican National Convention is “basically Grindr’s Super Bowl.”
- BREAKING: Dozens of downtown Milwaukee bars and nightclubs are hosting drag shows each night this week so Republicans have nowhere to go to party after the convention.
- BREAKING: Elon Musk is reportedly furious people keep calling Tesla vehicles “swasticars.”
- BREAKING: After Donald Trump tweeted that some of Joe Biden's presidential pardons could be nullified, federal judge Anderson Wilkerson announced, “Well, in that case, looks like it’s time to send some J6 rioters back to jail.”
- BREAKING: Several gangs in LA are reportedly trucing so they can accompany people to their immigration hearings and prevent ICE from abducting them, and it’s effective because ICE officials are afraid of them, which is why ICE goes after assimilated immigrants with families.
- BREAKING: The National Guard’s office phones are reportedly ringing off the hook from hundreds of citizens requesting they use their martial law in Washington D.C. to arrest the rapist pedophile who lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
- BREAKING: A growing group of tow truck drivers in LA are reportedly stalking ICE convoys so they can tow away all the unmarked ICE vans and SUVs that get parked incorrectly the moment the agents get out to start looking for people to abduct and deport.
- BREAKING: The parliament of Greenland just introduced legislation that bans Donald Trump and all his descendants for 100 generations.